Sunday, December 26, 2010

Is That For Me? Why, Thank You!

New Thing #3: I'm going to do more for me.  I have a job where I'm constantly doing things for others and sacrificing my time, and the remainder of my time and energy goes to my family and friends - leaving very little for me (here's a chance to refer to New Thing #2!).

I go into a store, and instead of buying something that I would like to have, no matter how small, I manage to talk myself out of it on the premise that my family needs something else more that I could be spending that money on  - including my alleged "mad money" in my own checking account for that very purpose.  Instead of treating myself to a mani-pedi, a new shirt, or cute shoes, I pay a bill or buy someone else something they need with it.  Then I resent it later and get mad at the wrong people for "making" me neglect myself.  Now, not all of this is on me, because if I try to take time for myself, then others around me get resentful and feel ignored (also going back to New Thing #2 - you get used to someone always paying all their attention to youand doing everything, when they stop it's a bit maybe its still all on me.)  :-)

Regardless, I have figured out that, in order for me to be good for others, I need to be good for me.  And in order to be good for me, I have to be nicer to me.  So, that means more pretty fingers and toes, more naps, more quiet time, less nagging/begging/repeating (those who don't listen or do just have to deal with the consequences on their own,) and more little gifts to me.  I can't do all this other stuff for everyone and still be happy, healthy and sane.  And I don't have to break the bank to do it either - it doesn't have to be about "bought" things...

So, change #3 - more things for the benefit of "Me."  Sounds selfish, but sometimes it's necessary (especially when no one else will do it for you.)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I Said....No.

New Thing #2: I'm going to say "no" more. Now, The Bohunk is a smartass and would say that I say it too much already, but I'm going to ignore him. What I mean is, people ask me to do stuff, and I say I will so they will like me, or I want to please them. It's usually something that benefits them and not me (or at least there is some mutual benefits).

But it has taken me this long to realize that not being able to tell people "no" is really the root of other things that bother me about "me" and I want to change (see New Thing #1 and pay attention to future New Things). Being able to say "no" will free me, but I'm thinking some people in my life won't like this change much - it will force them to do things for themselves, or even do some things for me instead (what a concept!) Now, don't think I'm not going to say "yes" to stuff ever again...that's just not in my nature! I'm just not going to agree to do everything for everyone (isn't that a Barenaked Ladies album?)

So, change #2 - I'm saying "no" to things that are more important to others, "yes" to other things that are more important to me, and I can be free enough to be comfortable in making that choice.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Whole New Start

I's been over two years since I've been here to post anything. But, like the title says - it's a whole new start. Today is my 42nd birthday, and over the past couple of months, a few things have crept into my brain and my Capricorn mind grabbed them and refused to let them go. So, on what feels like the midpoint of my life, I've decided to change "me", do some things different, and hopefully, you will join me for the ride.

New Thing #1: I'm not going to be late anymore. It hit me in the face at the last book club meeting...I brought a new person and she apologized to the group for making me late (she arrived at my house about 15 minutes late and we were riding together). When she said this, the entire group burst into laughter, all at the same time, and explained to our new person that, if book club started at 2, someone's phone would ring at 2:30 and it would be me, saying I was on my way.

On the outside, I laughed and jokingly flipped everyone off and told them to bite me. Inside, I was a little hurt. All those times I was late - usually because something I was making from scratch to bring took longer than I expected, or something my family "needed" from me popped up at the last minute (of course). Sounds like excuses? They probably are, but at the time, I felt that I was doing it for someone else's benefit (the girls deserved my best home-made things, not some store-bought, processed thing; my family needed whatever attention they were asking for, no matter how small). My realization - it's not necessary. It's really more important to me to be on time, like I used to be in my "previous life".

So, change #1 - I'm giving up on trying to be perfect on things that don't matter to me, let others take care of things they are able to do on their own, and be on time.